{"title":"Retired Designs","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"i-must-say-you-clean-up-surprisingly-well-card","title":"I Must Say You Clean Up Surprisingly Well - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp\u003eWell, well, well… who knew? Turns out, when you actually \u003cem\u003eput in the effort\u003c\/em\u003e, you can look pretty damn good! Our insult greeting card is the perfect blend of sarcasm and flattery, calling out that rare moment when your friend actually scrubs up nice—and you’re genuinely surprised. It’s the kind of playful, cheeky comment that only a true friend can get away with.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLet’s be honest: most days, we all embrace the “comfy” look. But when your friend decides to throw on something fancy and \u003cem\u003eactually\u003c\/em\u003e make themselves presentable, it’s a moment worth acknowledging. This card hilariously captures that shock in the most sassy way possible. You’re not just complimenting them—you’re giving them the kind of backhanded praise that’s sure to make them laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44406433743047,"sku":"","price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/ImustsayCARD.jpg?v=1720152659"},{"product_id":"players-gonna-play-sassy-card","title":"Players gonna Play - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp\u003eA sassy card of a lady playing some awesome tunes with some great advice from one of the greats. This blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44406476341447,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Players_gonna_play_CARD.jpg?v=1720154535"},{"product_id":"be-a-dear-sassy-card","title":"\"Be a Dear and refill this for me\"- Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eSure, you could send your friend a generic “cheer up” card, but where’s the fun in that? This masterpiece is perfect for the friend who appreciates a little bit of sass with their sympathy. Whether they’re navigating the trials of life or just need a laugh after a long day, this card is the reminder that sometimes, the best answer to life's problems is another drink... and a little bit of humour.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eThe vintage aesthetic adds an extra layer of charm, like a classy throwback to a time when asking for a refill was the peak of politeness (and possibly the solution to world peace). It’s the kind of card that says, “I get you, I see you, and yes, let’s have another.” So, go ahead, hand this sassy gem to your favourite partner in crime, because when life gets tough, sometimes all you need is a little sarcasm and a lot of alcohol.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44406490693831,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Be_a_dear_CARD.jpg?v=1720155341"},{"product_id":"congratulations-on-your-new-debt-sassy-card-copy","title":"\"Congratulations on your new Debt\"- Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eGraduating from university is no small feat—it’s a massive achievement that deserves celebration! But let’s be real, alongside that shiny diploma comes something a little less glamorous: a mountain of debt that could rival Mount Everest. And that’s where our \u003ci\u003eSassy \u003c\/i\u003eCards comes in. Featuring a fabulous older lady decked out in a graduation hat and gown with the delightfully sarcastic message, “Congratulations on your new debt,” this card delivers the perfect mix of humour, truth, and a healthy dose of reality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eWhether your friend or loved one is excited about entering the “real world” or quietly panicking about student loans, this card sums up their situation better than any generic “congrats” card ever could. Let’s face it—sometimes a rude card just says it all. Because what better way to toast their achievement than with a reminder of the \u003ci\u003etrue\u003c\/i\u003e gift of higher education: debt that’ll be hanging around longer than their diploma?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44599392927943,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/IMG_6047.heic?v=1727675188"},{"product_id":"i-regret-to-inform-you-sassy-card","title":"\"I regret to inform you, your childhood is over\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eThis card is ideal for birthdays, milestone years, or just reminding someone they’re getting older in the most hilarious way possible. It’s perfect for the friend who’s still clinging to their youth (despite all evidence to the contrary) and needs a bit of a nudge into reality. And with its vintage imagery, it’s got that extra layer of charm that makes it both classy and cutting at the same time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eSo, when it’s time to deliver the truth bomb that their childhood is officially over, do it with a card that’s as sarcastic and funny as your friendship. Because if you’re going to remind someone they’re getting old, you might as well make them laugh about it!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e envelope.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44599474520263,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/IMG_6049.heic?v=1727680535"},{"product_id":"alexa-send-a-funny-card-sassy-card","title":"\"Alexa, send a funny card\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"79\" data-end=\"350\"\u003eWhen words fail and your brain’s on a smoko, let this card do the talking. Featuring a very confused man on a bed having a deep chat with his landline (bless), this card is the perfect solution when your emotional range hits buffering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"352\" data-end=\"537\"\u003eWhether you forgot the birthday, missed the moment, or just have the social skills of a broken toaster, this delightfully passive-aggressive card says: \u003cem data-start=\"504\" data-end=\"537\"\u003e\"I care… I just outsourced it.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"539\" data-end=\"656\"\u003eBecause sometimes, humour is the best (and only) thing you’ve got.\u003cbr data-start=\"605\" data-end=\"608\"\u003eJust add your name. Alexa can’t do \u003cem data-start=\"643\" data-end=\"656\"\u003eeverything.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45357955743943,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Alexa_send_a_funny.card.heic?v=1753509168"},{"product_id":"birthdays-are-like-cheese-sassy-card-copy","title":"\"Birthdays are like cheese\"- Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"102\" data-end=\"313\"\u003eAh yes, the perfect sentiment for your favourite cheese-lover… or that friend who’s dramatically spiralling over turning \u003cem data-start=\"294\" data-end=\"310\"\u003eone year older\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"315\" data-end=\"538\"\u003eFeaturing a man proudly displaying his glorious cheese stash (because therapy is expensive and cheddar is cheaper), this card is for anyone who prefers camembert to compliments and laughs at the slow decline into vintage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"540\" data-end=\"660\"\u003eIdeal for birthdays filled with existential dread and a solid grazing board. Send it with love. And maybe a breath mint.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45357964001479,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/IMG_5035.heic?v=1753510033"},{"product_id":"darling-im-a-nightmare-sassy-card","title":"\"Darling, I'm a nightmare\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"122\" data-end=\"417\"\u003eMeet the muffin-holding menace in pearls. She may look like she’s off to the Opera, but don’t be fooled — beneath that shy smile and twin set is a woman who \u003cem data-start=\"359\" data-end=\"365\"\u003ewill\u003c\/em\u003e burn your house down if you insult severely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"419\" data-end=\"615\"\u003eThis card is for the quietly chaotic, the dangerously polite, and anyone who knows that sweet on the outside doesn’t mean safe on the inside. A tribute to the unassuming lunatics we love the most.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"617\" data-end=\"728\"\u003ePerfect for birthdays, passive-aggressive apologies, or just reminding someone you’re 90% sugar and 10% mayhem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45357996114119,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Darling_I_m_a_nightmare_dressed_as_a_daydream.heic?v=1753510813"},{"product_id":"did-you-say-beach-or-bitch-sassy-card","title":"\"Did you say beach or bitch?\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"104\" data-end=\"191\"\u003eBecause tone matters, darling. And so does SPF.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"193\" data-end=\"401\"\u003eServing vintage attitude with a side of sass, this card features a glamour queen in her retro bathers, hands on hips, and \u003cem data-start=\"315\" data-end=\"320\"\u003enot\u003c\/em\u003ehere for your unclear pronunciation. She's ready for a photoshoot—or a showdown.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"403\" data-end=\"605\"\u003ePerfect for that friend who walks the line between classy and crazy, beach days and bitch fits. Whether you’re planning a holiday or just throwing shade, this card says it all… loudly and with lipstick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"607\" data-end=\"667\"\u003eGreat for birthdays, girls’ trips, or just stirring the pot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45358004535495,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Did_you_say_bitch_or_beach.heic?v=1753511387"},{"product_id":"dont-worry-its-nothing-a-box-dye-wont-fix-sassy-card","title":"\"Don't worry, it's nothing a box dye won't fix\"- Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"94\" data-end=\"248\"\u003eLife falling apart? Relationship in flames? Existential dread creeping in? Babe — grab the box dye.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"250\" data-end=\"479\"\u003eThis card features a fabulously unbothered redhead admiring her luscious locks in the mirror like she hasn’t cried in the shower \u003cem data-start=\"379\" data-end=\"385\"\u003eonce\u003c\/em\u003e this week. She knows chaos can’t touch you when your hair is serving \u003cem data-start=\"455\" data-end=\"479\"\u003emain character energy.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"481\" data-end=\"622\"\u003ePerfect for breakups, glow-ups, midlife crises, or anyone who knows that a dramatic colour change is cheaper than therapy — and way more fun.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"624\" data-end=\"661\"\u003eSend it with love. Or shade. Or both.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"585\" data-end=\"692\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm with Envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45358056177863,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Don_t_worry_it_s_nothing_a_bodx_dye_can_t_fix.heic?v=1753513083"},{"product_id":"happy-birthday-im-impressed-sassy-card","title":"\"Happy Birthday, I'm impressed\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"92\" data-end=\"428\"\u003eSome cards say it sweet — this one says it \u003cem data-start=\"210\" data-end=\"220\"\u003estraight\u003c\/em\u003e. Featuring a moody madam perched in her chair, squinting at a letter like it personally offended her, this birthday card is for the friend who’s \u003cem data-start=\"366\" data-end=\"372\"\u003ejust\u003c\/em\u003e clinging to literacy (or dignity) as the years roll on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"430\" data-end=\"581\"\u003ePerfect for that one person who pretends they’re aging gracefully… but we all know the reading glasses are on standby and the font is never big enough.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"583\" data-end=\"631\"\u003eSend it with love. And maybe a magnifying glass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"633\" data-end=\"702\"\u003eBecause nothing says “I care” like a gentle roast with vintage flair.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45358163853511,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Happy_Birthday_Honestly_I_m_impressed.heic?v=1753518346"},{"product_id":"i-thought-the-two-of-you-were-already-married-sassy-card-copy","title":"\"I thought the two of you were already married\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"111\" data-end=\"188\"\u003eWell… this is awkward.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"190\" data-end=\"409\"\u003eFeaturing a fabulously joyless couple on their big day — bride seated, groom perched, neither even pretending to smile — this card perfectly captures that \u003cem data-start=\"345\" data-end=\"403\"\u003e“finally made it official after 12 years and a mortgage”\u003c\/em\u003e vibe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"411\" data-end=\"665\"\u003eIdeal for those weddings where the real surprise isn’t the engagement — it’s that it took this long. Whether you're celebrating eternal love or just mildly shocked it's actually happening, this card brings the sass with a side of black-and-white honesty.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"667\" data-end=\"779\"\u003ePerfect for couples who love dry humour, long engagements, or just look mildly unimpressed with life in general.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e envelope.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45358176731335,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/I_thought_the_two_of_you_were_already_married.heic?v=1753519576"},{"product_id":"its-okay-if-you-dont-like-me-sassy-card-1","title":"\"Mama, Mummy, Mum, Bruh\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"94\" data-end=\"230\"\u003eBecause nothing says \u003cem data-start=\"151\" data-end=\"173\"\u003eungrateful offspring\u003c\/em\u003e like being demoted from life-giving goddess to \u003cem data-start=\"221\" data-end=\"230\"\u003e“bruh.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"232\" data-end=\"487\"\u003eThis Mum is clearly \u003cem data-start=\"320\" data-end=\"325\"\u003enot\u003c\/em\u003e feeling the holy spirit today. Her side-eye says it all: she carried you, raised you, fed you... and now you call her \u003cem data-start=\"444\" data-end=\"451\"\u003ebruh?\u003c\/em\u003e Honestly, no wonder she looks done.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"489\" data-end=\"660\"\u003ePerfect for tired Mums everywhere who just want five minutes of peace, a hot cup of tea, and to be addressed like a human being (or at least not like someone’s Xbox mate).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"662\" data-end=\"837\"\u003eIdeal for Mother’s Day, birthdays, or just sending a little love to the woman who’s heard it all — and would still probably die for you. But she’s \u003cem data-start=\"809\" data-end=\"837\"\u003erolling her eyes about it.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45358265761991,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/Mama_Mummy_Bruh.heic?v=1753522901"},{"product_id":"may-you-be-happy-together-forever-sassy-card","title":"\"May you be happy together forever\" - Sassy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"99\" data-end=\"240\"\u003eAh, everlasting love — fueled by laughter, low expectations, and just the right amount of alcohol.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"242\" data-end=\"525\"\u003eThis black and white close-up captures an older couple living their best life: he’s holding a beer like it’s a trophy, she’s grinning like she’s two wines deep and about to tell a very inappropriate story. It’s a portrait of real romance — comfortable, tipsy, and totally unbothered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"527\" data-end=\"653\"\u003ePerfect for weddings, anniversaries, or any couple who’s still going strong (and still sneaking drinks at family functions).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"655\" data-end=\"744\"\u003eBecause \u003cem data-start=\"663\" data-end=\"672\"\u003eforever\u003c\/em\u003e is a long time — best enjoyed with snacks and a steady supply of booze.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eCard: Approx. 15cm X 10.5cm this blank greeting cards comes with a complimentary envelope.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"ElmsCreative","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45384949072071,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/0299\/6679\/files\/IMG_5268.heic?v=1754117196"}],"url":"https:\/\/elmscreativeonline.com\/collections\/retired-designs.oembed","provider":"ElmsCreative","version":"1.0","type":"link"}